Sunday, December 23, 2007

Yes, Jimmy, there is a Chinese Democracy

DEAR MACK: I am 18 years old.
Some of my friends say there is no Chinese Democracy.
Dad says, 'If Baz says so, then it is so.'
Please tell me the truth; does Uncle Axl have an album?


Jimmy, your little headbanger friends are wrong. They’ve been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They don’t believe in anything. They think nothing’s real if they don’t see it on YouTube.

Yes, Jimmy, there is a Chinese Democracy. It exists as certainly as Velvet Revolver, Izzy Stradlin and Sebastian Bach exist. Hot Damn! How dreary would the world be if there was no Chinese Democracy? It would be as dreary as if there were no Jimmys. There would be no faith then, no leaks, no End of Days Soundtrack to make our lives tolerable. The eternal light with which naïve hype fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Chinese Democracy! You might as well not believe in a GN’R reunion! You might get your Dad to hire men to watch all the record stores on Christmas Eve to catch Chinese Democracy, but even if they didn’t see Chinese Democracy for sale, what would that prove? Nobody (except Baz) has ever heard Chinese Democracy, but that’s no sign that there is no Chinese Democracy. Did you ever hear a dog whistle? Of course not, but that's no proof that dogs don’t whistle. Have you ever seen Buckethead’s face? Does that mean he doesn’t have one?

You may break apart your CDs to see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering Axl’s world which not the strongest wrestler, nor even the united strength of all the fans on all the message boards in the world, could tear apart. Only faith, stupidity, dumb luck, naiveté and drunkenness, can push aside that curtain and view the freaking prolific beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Jimmy, in all this world there is nothing else as real.

No Chinese Democracy! Thank God! It’s real, and it Starts Now. A thousand years from now, Jimmy, hell, ten thousand years from now, it will continue to Start Now, and to make happy (?) the hearts of fans everywhere.

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